"Worry, Worry, Worry! You Know What I Mean?"
The title for this post comes from the book Wilma Jean the Worry Machine by Julia Cook. It is the book that I have used for January's and February's lessons for 2nd and 3rd grade. In January, I read Jonathan James and the WhatIf Monster to 1st grade and When I'm Feeling Scared for kindergarten. In February, I will focus on building coping skills for anxiety for grades 1-3 and coping with anger for kindergarten.I decided to cover the topic of fear and anxiety based on data I collected from parents at the end of last school year and because so many of the student referrals I receive have connections to anxiety.
Spotting Anxiety in Kids
Sometimes, anxiety in kids is easy to spot. They may cry or cling to a parent. They may say how they are scared. Other times, anxiety can be sneaky and show itself in ways we don't expect, like through aggression or refusal to follow directions. This happens because anxiety causes a stress response, so the body and brain go into fight-or-flight mode. The fight mode often shows itself as verbal or physical aggression.The flight mode often shows itself as a child trying to avoid or escape a task. If a child can't fight or flee, they often shut down and don't do anything.
If you suspect your child is struggling with anxiety, look for one or more of these fight-or-flight signs:
- Tiredness or fatigue
- Trouble concentrating
- Irritability or crabbiness
- Physical aggression, like hiting, biting, or scratching
- Muscle tension
- Trouble sleeping (insomnia) or frequent nightmares
- Starting a lot of questions with "What if...?"
- Headaches and/or stomach aches
- Crying
Tips for Supporting Your Child During Anxious Moments
If you have identified that your child shows at least one of these signs often, he/she may be struggling with anxiety. Before I list some tips, remember that anxiety is a part of life because it's an emotion that warns us of danger. It actually benefits us to have some anxiety! Anxiety becomes a problem when it keeps a person from doing things they want or need to do. Here are some tips to try with your child, if anxiety is getting in the way of them doing what they want or need to do:
Validate
As I said before, a small amount of anxiety is useful for avoiding dangerous situations. When a child is worried about something, recognize it as being scary, and tell him/her it's ok to be scared or anxious. Share about how you were scared about the same thing as a kid (because weren't we all afraid of the dark at some point?). Tell your child that you can tell that they're feeling worried and that you care about those feelings. If your child feels like you understand, they are more likely to calm themselves and connect with you, ready to learn more coping skills.
Approach triggers, or worryful situations, with optimistic caution
Often, parents let their children avoid their anxiety triggers, even if the trigger is school. Avoiding triggers just makes the anxiety worse over time because it teachers children that the situation is truly threatening (which it usually isn't) and that avoidance is the only coping skill (it's not). To help them face their triggers, show empathy by saying something like, "I know it's scary now, but after a while, it won't be so scary." Tell your child that he/she can tackle any problem, even if he/she needs to ask for help. You can help it seem less scary by teaching them to examine the worry, reframe it if possible, and create a strategy to reach a positive outcome.
Examine, reframe, and strategize
Many times kids worry about things that will not happen or happen rarely. Talk to your child about how likely a certain worry will occur. Examining the worry will help shrink it, and it won't seem so threatening. Also, try reframing the worry from something negative to something positive, for example, instead of worrying, "What if I don't make any friends on my first day of school?" think, "What if I meet my very best friend on the first day of school?" Additionally, developing strategies for dealing with the worry if it happens can help a child be prepared. When doing a worry exercise with third grade, a few students mentioned being worried about tornadoes. I reminded them that us grown ups can help them with strategies like going into the hallway at school or going to the basement or other safe space at home.
Find coping tools for your child's emotional toolbox
The fight-or-flight response from anxiety affects the body as well as the brain, so tools to calm the body can help with dealing with anxiety. To calm the body, as well as the brain, pair some of the above tips with some more concrete coping skills like
- Taking deep breaths
- Practicing yoga
- Writing about or drawing the worry
- Squeeze a stress ball or fidget with a small toy
- Watch a glitter bottle, a mindfulness tool
Anxiety is a natural emotion, or feeling, and feelings are neither good nor bad. However, anxiety can build up unless we learn and practice ways to let it out. If you have tried some coping skills with your child but the anxiety is still overwhelming, email me at erin.heilman@pekin108.org or contact your child's pediatrician for more suggestions. Also, if there are specific worries you'd like me to address in a future blog, feel free to leave a message in the comments. Hopefully, like Wilma Jean, your child will be able to use some of these tricks and won't make the worried pickle face as much!
Here are some articles that helped me write this blog and are good sources of info:
- Anxiety Symptoms in Children https://www.verywellmind.com/anxiety-symptoms-2633863
- Why Childhood Anxiety Often Goes Undetected (and the Consequences) https://childmind.org/article/detecting-childhood-anxiety/
- Helping Kids with Anxiety: Strategies to Help Anxious Children https://www.psycom.net/help-kids-with-anxiety
Here's a link to a read aloud of Wilma Jean the Worry Machine:
Comments
Post a Comment