Tips on Easing Separation Anxiety at School


It's that time of year when we tend to see some separation anxiety. Sometimes, students just show some first day jitters when everything is new. Sometimes, separation anxiety appears when there is a big change in a kid's life. Either way, it's often difficult, even heart breaking, for parents and loved ones to watch their "littles" cry out for them at drop off. Parents, rest assured that usually this is a short-lived phase. In the meantime, here are some tips with easing your student's separation anxiety.

  • Make good-bye routines quick. I recommend parents do the “Hug and Go” – give your student a big hug, say goodbye, and leave. Lingering usually makes the pleas for Mommy or Daddy to stay become more intense.
  • Be consistent. As much as you can, make the drop off to school at the same time every day. Keep your routine the same every day. This predictability will help your child feel safe.
  •   Don’t go back. Returning to the classroom/school to check on your student will start the separation anxiety cycle all over again, sometimes more intensely. If you want to check up on your student, call the office during the day or email your student’s teacher.
  •  Tell your student when you’ll see him/her again. Be specific (in kid terms) as to when you’ll see your student again. Say, “I’ll see you after school,” or “I’ll see you after I get off work.” If you share custody with another parent and you won’t see your student for a few days, say, “I’ll see you after two school days,” or “I’ll see you after three sleeps.”
  •  Pack a comfort item. A small toy, blanket, or stuffed animal may help comfort your student during those stressful times. Check with your student’s teacher on where your student can keep this comfort item. Some teachers will allow the comfort item to stay with the child, and some prefer it to stay in a backpack for most of the day.
  •  Give your student a reminder of you. A photograph of the two of you, a special note or drawing, or a piece of jewelry can remind your student of the special bond you share. If you send a photograph or piece of jewelry, make sure it can be easily replaced or fixed. While we try to take good care of our things at school, accidents happen.
  • Read books together. There are lots of books out there that can lessen separation anxiety. A good one is “The Kissing Hand,” which tells the story of a little raccoon who was nervous to go to school, and his mother teaches him a secret ritual to remind him of her love throughout the day.
  • Be positive. It’s so hard to see our children crying or feeling scared or anxious. We just want to hold them and take away their fears. At the same time, we must remember that children can sense our emotions, so even if you’re feeling stressed and anxious, or even crabby, maintain a positive attitude. Smile and offer encouragement, even if you’re worried about being late for a meeting, and keep your emotions in check.
    • A comfort item could be
    a small stuffed animal
  • Visualize a calm and happy drop off. Take a picture of your student calmly and happily entering school. Keep that photograph at home and have them look at it in the morning before going to school. You can also have them draw a picture of themselves looking calm and happy as they enter school. If they can visualize themselves going to school happily, it can become a reality.


Remember that many students who cry or show fearfulness at school drop-off often laugh and smile within a few minutes into the school day. Many even like school! And eventually, they “grow out of it” when they are able to identify and express their feelings and build coping strategies.

If you’ve tried some of the above tips but are looking for more strategies, feel free to call me at your student’s school or email me at erin.heilman@pekin.net for some brainstorming. Also, pediatricians often have helpful tips on easing separation anxiety.
Remember, this won’t last forever, and you’re doing a good job!

Sources that I used to help me compile this list:
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx
https://www.merakilane.com/?s=crying+at+school+drop+off

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